Every Man Leering At Little League World Series Claiming To Be Scout

SOUTH WILLIAMSPORT, PA—When pressed about which of the young athletes on the field they were there to support, every one of the strangers leering at the Little League Baseball World Series game Wednesday reportedly claimed to be a professional scout. “I admit, at first I felt a little uneasy about how intently he was staring at those kids, but he assured me this was all part of the job,” said 37-year-old Jennifer Beyl, who confirmed that the brief conversation she had with the shifty man behind her represented just one of dozens of similar exchanges she had had at the tournament that day. “It’s like half the spectators attending this thing are scouts. I guess the camcorders make sense, but wouldn’t they rather be filming the game than zooming in on the dugout? Seems a little suspect, but hey, what do I know? I’m only here because, uh, because, um.” At press time, a stammering Beyl had claimed she, too, was a scout before darting out of the bleachers.