Epstein Island Housekeeping Staff Starting To Wonder If Anybody Coming Back

LITTLE ST. JAMES, U.S. VIRGIN ISLANDS—Questioning whether all their upkeep efforts might be going to waste, the housekeeping staff of deceased sex offender Jeffrey Epstein reportedly started to wonder Thursday if anyone was coming back. “We’ve been hard at work making sure that everything is neat and tidy for the next orgy, but it’s unclear when or if anyone is returning,” said Pedophile Island maid Connie Silva, explaining that she had already laid out party favors, such as Cartier watches, condoms, and chocolate pudding cups, that would go to waste if there were no guests. “Everything is ready to go for when the young girls get here. We even repaired the fountain outside the Bill Gates V.I.P. Cabana. Obviously, we would stop if we’d heard a peep from anyone in the past few years. But I just know the day we finally take off will be the day the powerful men show up demanding that their sexual appetites be fulfilled.” At press time, the housekeepers claimed they would keep working as long as Epstein somehow kept paying them.