Enlightened Child Realizes Chasing Vendetta No Way To Spend Entire Bumper Car Ride

WAUKESHA, WI—Reminding himself that forgiveness was above all a gift to himself, enlightened 8-year-old Trevor Brandt reportedly realized Wednesday that chasing a vendetta was no way to spend his entire bumper car ride. “Sure, I could go and smash into that kid’s car in retribution, but God only gave me so long on this ride and I don’t want to waste a single second on petty grudges,” said the benevolent second-grader, adding that he had already thrown away precious moments dwelling in anger on being pinned against the ride’s wall and called a loser. “What would lashing out at him accomplish besides distracting myself from the bounty of fun before me in the coming five minutes? No, I must simply turn the other cheek and appreciate the cool racing stripe I have. Ultimately, every bump I make into his car is really just a bump into myself.” At press time, the child was seen sitting peacefully while idling his car in the middle of the bumper car ring.