Energized Chris Christie Ready For Next Chapter Of Humiliation

MENDHAM, NJ—Saying he was fired up and excited for the chance to debase himself on a bigger stage than ever, former New Jersey governor Chris Christie told reporters Monday that he was ready for the next chapter of his humiliation. “Look, I’ve been out of the limelight for a few months, but I promise you that I’m in a place where I can finally turn the page and disgrace myself anew,” said Christie, explaining that despite his many ups and downs, he had no doubt that the greatest embarrassments still lay before him. “Really, I just want to do as much as possible to bring shame upon myself and my family. That’s what my time in office has always been about. So, yeah, I’m revitalized and can’t wait to embark on what just might be the biggest indignity of my life.” The former presidential candidate added that if his political trajectory had revealed anything, it was that you should never count out Chris Christie’s ability to disgrace himself and everyone affiliated with him.