Embarrassed Library Of Congress Can’t Believe Some Of The Albums It Used To Be Into

WASHINGTON—Mortified that the recordings had ever been part of its collection, embarrassed officials at the Library of Congress expressed disbelief on Monday at some of the albums the 217-year-old cultural institution used to be into. “Oh my God—the Harvard Glee Club, the Eagles, Al Jolson—what the hell were we thinking?” said Librarian of Congress Dr. Carla Hayden, cringing at a box of Jimmie Rodgers’ 1930s yodeling records that “probably seemed a lot cooler at the time.” “Don’t get me wrong; Ella Fitzgerald, Neil Armstrong’s recorded words from the moon, the Velvet Underground—all that’s still good, but boy, some of this just does not hold up. I think I’ve listened to the Frank Zappa stuff and Calvin Coolidge’s inauguration maybe twice.” Sources later confirmed seeing trucks unloading several thousand boxes outside a nearby used record store.