Drone Operator Takes Out Few Civilians To Seem Busy As Supervisor Walks By

ARLINGTON, VA—Scrambling to tab away from the social media feed he had been scrolling through mere moments before, local military contractor Todd Roose reportedly took out a few Syrian civilians Thursday to seem busy as his supervisor walked by. “Oh shoot—hey boss! Yeah, just knocking out a few bombings in the Middle East that’ve been piling up on my desk,” said Roose, straightening up in his seat and rapidly hitting the launch button a few times as his boss rounded the corner next to his cubicle. “We’re still planning on that happy hour in the kitchenette later, right? Awesome. See you there. What’s that? No, I’m not bombing the same kindergarten from this morning. This one must just look the same. Ha-ha, all right, catch you later.” At press time, after confirming that his supervisor had returned to his office, Roose had reportedly kicked his feet up on his desk and gone back to enjoying a video feed monitoring an American citizen.