Dog Urged To Pay Attention While Dog On TV

GLEN ELLYN, IL—Gesturing excitedly at the screen while the ambivalent canine lay beside him, local man John Eggert urged his dog Monday to pay attention while a dog was on TV. “Look, look, Pickles—that dog looks just like you,” Eggert said to his 6-year-old dachshund mix, who, despite her owner waking her up, turning her head to the screen, pointing, and screaming over and over again, could not be bothered to react. “Pickles, it’s your twin! Look at her run! Look at her eat the dog food! Wow! You’d never do that. She’s so well trained. All you do is eat, sleep on the couch, and poop.” At press time, Eggert had reportedly rewound the clip and begun to play it again, only to see that his dog was violently licking her own vagina.