Dog Can Immediately Tell Exactly How Man’s Previous Dog Liked To Be Touched

KANSAS CITY, MO—Expressing that she wished the 48-year-old man would simply take the time to learn her petting preferences, local dog Pumpkin reported Monday that she could immediately tell exactly how her owner’s previous dog liked to be touched. “It’s not bad, but it’s just painfully obvious that he’s recycling scratching moves that he used for years on his old dog,” said Pumpkin, a 3-year-old long-haired Australian shepherd, adding that his former dog—a golden retriever named Noodles—clearly had a thing for getting her belly, ears, and paws rubbed. “I get it. Noodles liked to be brushed. Noodles liked to be bathed! And Noodles had a special type of kibble that made her go wild. But I’m a totally different dog with totally different proclivities. What about me? What about my needs?” At press time, Pumpkin had reportedly flown into a fit of rage and bit her owner after he accidentally called her the wrong name.