Doctors Concerned President Administering Own Care After Noticing Trepanation Holes In Trump’s Skull

WASHINGTON—Medical experts expressed concern Monday that President Donald Trump was administering his own Covid-19 care after noticing trepanation holes in the commander in chief’s skull. “While I respect the entire team at Walter Reed, I feel they have lost control of their patient by allowing President Trump to drill holes in his cranium to exorcise the evil spirits making him sick,” said Dr. Lisa Lee, professor of pathology at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, adding that treating high-profile patients like Trump can be difficult, especially when they believe that demons have inhabited their soul and must be released to end their Covid-19 symptoms. “As a doctor, it’s important to listen to your patients, but permitting the President of the United States to inject himself with a tincture of mercury and stick an ice pick through his forehead is just reckless. Oftentimes, stubborn patients like Trump think they can open up their brain themselves and ensure their blood, phlegm, yellow bile, and black bile are in perfect harmony when really, that is not the case.” At press time, physicians expressed greater concern after Trump released a video showing him covered in leeches and receiving an infusion of horse blood for strength.