Disturbing New Study Finds American 5th-Graders Only Absorbing Targeted Advertisements At 1st-Grade Level

STANFORD, CA—Calling the elementary schoolers “eons” behind their counterparts in terms of brand recognition, a disturbing new study published Monday by Stanford University found American fifth-graders were only absorbing advertisements at a first-grade level. “Out of the 10,000 children we studied, over 75% of them scrolled right past products placed onto their social media feeds and did not even click or hover over the ad once,” said researcher Professor Hannah Paul, adding that many of the subjects she worked with did not even bother clicking on ads created by their favorite influencer, even when the items being sold were specifically tailored to their individual search history. “By fifth grade, students should be interacting with personalized advertising at a very high level and spending hundreds of dollars a month on clothes, skincare products, and other specialty products like nail decals and crystals. If we don’t find a way to get these kids up to speed soon, they might never impulse shop online at a college level.” At press time, Paul suggested that if parents were worried their children were behind, they should sit down and show them how to interact with simple, digestible advertisements for a few hours each night.