Disappointed Taliban Realizes Taking Over Afghanistan More Fun Than Running It

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Following the terrorist organization’s rapid recapture of the Central Asian country, a disappointed Taliban informed reporters Wednesday that taking over Afghanistan had turned out to be way more fun than running it. “Obviously, storming the smaller cities and plowing toward the capital was a total blast, but now that we actually have to govern this place, it’s actually kind of a slog,” said Taliban supreme commander Haibatullah Akhundzada, describing his shock at how much of a “drag” it was to administer an impoverished country without any functioning infrastructure or durable goods that had been ravaged by two decades of warfare. “I became a terrorist to terrorize—to detonate IEDs and shoot rocket launchers at American tanks. If you had told me that instead I’d be spending most of my time trying to develop a unified national identity around fragmented tribal communities spread out over thousands of miles of mountainous terrain, I never would have signed up. Now I get why America wanted no part of this.” At press time, the Taliban decided to give up on governing and just enjoy killing people instead.