Detective Still Haunted By Cold Case He Was Never Able To Pin On Minority

LOS ANGELES—Still unable to let the long-dormant investigation go, LAPD detective Nick Grady remains haunted years later by a cold case he has never been able to pin on a minority, sources confirmed Monday. “Come on, come on, I must have missed some Black or Hispanic teenager who happened to be walking around near the scene of the crime,” said Grady, spending late hours at the precinct poring over old case files in a desperate attempt to find someone in the vicinity at the time that he could claim was part of a gang and throw in prison. “Wait a minute—my God, how did I miss this? A witness says she saw a young man in a hoodie parked in a nearby car. Damn it, if only I’d put this together all those years ago, then I could have found a dark-skinned kid and gotten him locked up, but instead I let him slip right through my fingers. What a fool I’ve been!” At press time, a disillusioned Grady had vowed that he would see justice served by gunning down some random minorities himself.