Desperate Trump Campaign Strategists Wondering How Much Mileage They Can Get Out Of Americans’ Fear Of Dentists

WASHINGTON—In response to declining poll numbers in the 2020 presidential race, increasingly desperate Trump campaign strategists reportedly wondered Wednesday how much mileage they could get out of Americans’ fear of dentists. “We’re repositioning to make sure voters know that elitists Dems want to expand healthcare and force you to pay a visit to the scary man with a drill,” said campaign manager Bill Stepien, referencing a new commercial spot featuring dozens of blue-collar and rural voters undergoing root canal surgery while a menacing string arrangement plays in the background. “Let’s not mince words, a vote for Biden is a vote for seeing the dentist twice a year. If we don’t win in November, you’re going to have federally funded dentists sucking the spit out of your mouth through a tube. Do you want to live in socialist country where a stranger gets to take the wisdom teeth you’ve worked so hard for?” At press time, Fox News released an exposé on a “partisan” dentist office that gave local children blue lollipops after appointments.