Desperate Clippers Sign Doug Christie To 10-Minute Contract

LOS ANGELES—Facing temporary fatigue and extremely short-term injury on the part of star center Elton Brand, the Los Angeles Clippers announced that they had bolstered their defense by signing journeyman guard Doug Christie to a 10-minute, 14-possession contract worth $8,575 before bonuses during the fourth quarter of Wednesday night’s game against the Atlanta Hawks. “We’re proud to have a player of Doug’s caliber on board from now until about 9:30–9:35,” said VP of Basketball Operations Elgin Baylor, who stressed that Brand would resume starting duties as soon as his stubbed big toe stopped smarting and he had caught his breath. “I only hope his Clippers career will be as memorable as it is long.” Christie’s incentive-laden contract will also pay him a bonus of $15 per point scored, $35 per blocked shot, and $125,000 for winning the NBA scoring title.