Desperate California Homebuyers Locked In Bidding War Over Charred Remains Of Ranch House

GREENVILLE, CA—Hoping to score a rare piece of prime real estate, numerous California homebuyers were reportedly locked in a bidding war Thursday over the charred remains of a ranch house. “A home like this with such lovely architecture so rarely comes onto the market that we’re not going to let a little thing like it being an ash-strewn wreck stop us from pulling the trigger,” said potential buyer Damian Southerton, telling reporters that the house’s patio and attached garage more than made up for the smoldering walls of its smaller-than-average kitchen. “There’s no doubt that it would require some serious upkeep, but the location right in the midst of a fully decimated forest is so beautiful, and this place has still got great bones that haven’t completely disintegrated yet, so I’m willing to pay whatever I have to.” At press time, Southerton had successfully reached an agreement on the home after another prospective buyer dropped out to purchase a cliffside bungalow currently tumbling into the sea.