Debt-Ridden 4th-Grader Shouldn’t Have Recklessly Invested In Lunch

SAN ANTONIO—Saying a series of fiscally irresponsible decisions had led to the local 10-year-old’s present insolvency, top financial analysts stated Tuesday that debt-ridden fourth-grader Daniel Brown should have stopped himself from recklessly investing in so many school lunches. “Instead of asking whether it was wise to put all of his money into solid foods, he just kept taking a tray of spaghetti or chicken tenders almost every single day,” said economist Brenda Maronnes, observing that there are children like Brown all over America who lack the financial self-discipline required to forgo a hot meal and, as a result, spend the rest of their student years buried deep in school lunch debt. “If you’re going to gamble your whole allowance on a daily carton of milk, that’s your choice, but is the quick fix of calcium and vitamins really worth it once your creditworthiness is destroyed? Balanced meals don’t make for balanced budgets.” Maronnes went on to acknowledge that financially carelessness children often learn from the example set by their parents, many of whom lack the prudence to diversify their portfolios and put all of their income into groceries and rent.