Deadlifting Championship Once Again Won By Transylvania

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND—The Twinlab International Powerlifting Championships ended predictably Sunday, as for the 47th consecutive year, the Transylvanian team swept the deadlifting events. “We Transylvanian lifters of the dead have a saying: ’You’ve got to vant it,’” said Transylvanian dark-strength coach Comte von Alucard III. “Yes… The creatures of the night… What beautiful powerlifting competitors they make.” The Transylvanian squad will once again leave the world championship with two awards despite finishing first through third, as team officials hissed and drew back when presented with the silver medal.