Deadbeat Bird Deems Human Touching Eggs Good Enough Reason To Abandon Nest

NASHVILLE, IN—Immediately taking off from his roost without a second look back, a local deadbeat bird reportedly deemed the human touching its eggs Monday as a good enough reason to abandon its nest. “Ah damn, I really wanted to raise those eggs, but I guess them’s the breaks,” said the American robin, who flapped his wings as fast and hard as he could, speculating that while his decision to ditch the nest might anger his mate, there was really nothing he could do. “So long, eggs! That’s the end of that chapter. Man, she’s going to be pissed when she realizes I’m not coming back, but that guy totally touched them! I mean, they’re basically smudged beyond repair. Well, I didn’t hang around long enough to see if he actually touched them, but I know he definitely looked. Well, he at least walked by those eggs.” At press time, the bird had admitted that he wasn’t 100% positive whether the human had actually touched his eggs.