Dalai Lama Swears He Recognizes Guy At Party From Past Life

MCLEOD GANJ, INDIA—Racking his brain to recall the identity of the familiar face milling around the gathering, the Dalai Lama swore Monday that he recognized a guy at a neighborhood party from a past life. “Man, I’m almost positive I’ve seen that person before, but this was years ago—like, eight or nine lives, at least,” said Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama and spiritual leader of the Tibetan people, noting the mystery guest must have been someone who was doing well karmically since he currently inhabits the body of a human. “If I’m remembering right, he was a songbird back in those days. But then again, he might have been this diplomat I talked to from the Ming dynasty. What was his name again? Bo? Chuang? God, neither of those feel right.” At press time, the Dalai Lama was discreetly asking the host’s cat whether she knew what the guy by the tortilla chips was up to during the 15th century.