The recent Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization decision to overturn Roe v. Wade has shed light on a stark partisan divide on a woman’s right to choose. Here are what conservatives across the country are saying about why they oppose abortion rights.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/e2eada2e12ca9c807f754aaaa88e9780.jpg)
Terry Garcia (Florist)
“Pregnancy is more exciting when you might die!”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/026ee4f3487527f108ddda8f9be252b4.jpg)
Ron DeSantis (Florida Governor)
“The Prophecy foretells of a boy to be born in this very year who will one day avenge my death, and there’s no way I’m going to let anything stop that.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/752248b8f36a417a77bf55ea7bf40ecb.jpg)
Josie Aguilar (Surveyor)
“My faith teaches me that women are disposable incubators.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/bc819071870d3f72807f620bd99ae930.jpg)
Wendy Jackson (Lawyer)
“Everyone should have the same opportunities that I had to resent and neglect their children.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/58051f793a11be10c00bcf3e0f4bbcad.jpg)
Randall Kleiner (Bus Driver)
“No reason.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/5c73b96aa2e0aa940dd0d738d84daf5e.jpg)
Mitch McConnell (Senator)
“It’s Republicans’ best shot to secure the prenatal vote in the midterms.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/6ad0b29bb16e73565902c255126aa47c.jpg)
Thomas Blackstone (Day Trader)
“I got stood up at prom by a woman 35 years ago.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1d1c6ff4b51ec70104e34db68c5e70d4.jpg)
Ken Toya (Principal)
“I don’t believe a doctor should touch a woman down there without being married to her first.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/edeea8d913a4a8b142479081df395c40.jpg)
Wendy Carlson (Accountant)
“Women need to take responsibility for the consequences of men’s actions.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/7d679554901286a21f9503ee97d2ab98.jpg)
Cynthia Shaw (Teacher)
“Sex without the risk of completely ruining your life just wouldn’t feel as good.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/f5d4cf0d53b6e21629e561b1b9654b63.jpg)
Donna Hayworth (Marketing Manager)
“My weird interpretation of the Bible says Jesus is going to come back as a baby.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/bc79f7d021c071522c2d0d37c5e28373.jpg)
Dillon Pittman (Welder)
“Life is fucking hell, and it begins at conception.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/7739c82078c287e07df2aadf5ee93e8e.jpg)
Bruce Fredrickson (Fashion Designer)
“Orphanages need this to survive.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/2e55e99b4d523e59912458d7682b2788.jpg)
Evan Pollard (Ghost)
“I was aborted, and now I’m subjected to an eternity of wandering these haunted halls.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/381a09830d2de7658393722d349a751b.jpg)
Trudy McAllister (Concierge)
“I was actually fervently pro-choice until a single, well-placed billboard of a fetus instantly changed my entire worldview.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/6a25b9434cab5d6682268a313fda833b.jpg)
Garret Tortz (Electrician)
“I wouldn’t go so far as to say I ‘oppose abortion.’ I just hate women and want them to suffer.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/4ac706224215c73ea3c0d50b49ec5405.jpg)
Brian Kilmeade (Fox News Host)
It’s what the teleprompter tells me to say.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/d506bdddbf1bb24f7facf2471af12157.jpg)
Erica Jones (Nurse)
“Eh, I was just running out of people to hurt and figured women would do.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/dc30ce7853bee978bb55b33b4eef5411.jpg)
Brandon Clifford (Forklift Operator)
“Each and every fertilized egg is a potential woman for us to someday oppress.”