Conservative Parents Explain Why They Are Boycotting Disney

After Disney publicly opposed Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill, countless conservatives began to boycott the company. The Onion asked parents how they came to that decision, and this is what they said.

Darla Collins (Receptionist)

“I don’t show my kids Disney so they can be indoctrinated by liberals. I do it so I have time to cheat on my husband.”

Tiffany Edgars (Teacher)

“The angry man on the TV said this is what I was supposed to be angry about this week.”

David Thackeray (Data Scientist)

“They have gay characters in their movies. What’s next? Some scenario where Hercules and Prince Eric maybe meet, and Hercules rescues him from danger, and as Hercules holds him in his arms, Prince Eric suddenly becomes aware of Hercules’ sinewy, muscled frame, and as he sets him down their fingers brush, and then he looks up into his azure eyes, and…”

Tricia Whitaker (Accountant)

“I lost the remote.”

Nathaniel Carpenter (Pastor)

“When they rewrote Goofy’s backstory to remove his long history of violent pro-life activism, I was done.”

Heather McClane (Waiter)

“For years, the only gay Disney characters were Smee from Peter Pan, Doc from Snow White, Scar from Lion King, the Cheshire Cat, Pluto, Ursula, Baloo, all 101 Dalmations, Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Winnie the Pooh, and Christopher Robin, and that was enough.”

Nick Goodkind (Construction Worker)

“I can let my kids be groomed by pedophiles for free at church.”

Scott Simpson (Project Manager)

“They’re fascists trying to control what we think. I expected better from a company founded by Nazis.”

Florence Addams (Retired)

“Back in my day, Disney was just a mouse piloting a riverboat, which was fine, but now that I think about it, it was probably a boat filled with pedophiles.”

Pam Bernstein (Small Business Owner)

“I liked it when Disney told happy, normal stories where certain kinds of people simply didn’t exist.”

Hailey Markel (Retired)

“I just preferred when they weren’t afraid to be openly racist.”

Brian Haney (Stay-At-Home Dad)

“I’m worried all this ‘acceptance’ could lead to my kids accepting themselves, and that’s simply not how I was raised.”

Doug Lott (Accountant)

“It should be left up to the parents if and when their child sees a mouse wearing pants.”

Sheila Littleton (Stay-At-Home Mom)

“I’ve endured Frozen 157 times, and hearing my daughters scream “Let It Go” has left me a hollow shell of a person. I’m just grateful Disney finally gave my husband a reason to pull the plug.”