Congress Spotted Leaving Gay Nightclub

WASHINGTON—According to numerous eyewitness reports, all 535 members of Congress were seen late Sunday night stumbling out of Mermaids, a gay nightclub in Washington, D.C. “Yeah, I saw them leaving there about 2 a.m.,” said passerby Alex Hanvey, who told reporters he watched as a bouncer unhooked a velvet rope and helped the legislative branch of the United States government exit the club. “They hailed a cab and left with some guy.” Sources later confirmed the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives had tried to give their phone number to approximately two-thirds of the club’s patrons.