Colt McCoy's Unusually Tragic Boyhood Dream Comes True

PASADENA, CA—Following a 37-21 loss to Alabama in which he suffered a game-ending injury just five plays in and was forced to watch the Crimson Tide defense take advantage of his absence, Texas quarterback Colt McCoy told reporters that the heart-breaking defeat fulfilled a depressing dream he has had since he was a boy growing up in New Mexico. “I think every kid, whether he is playing high school football or a pickup game with friends, imagines what it would be like to one day lead your team to the Rose Bowl, stand on the sidelines, and then helplessly watch your team get dismantled on the grandest stage imaginable,” said a teary-eyed McCoy, adding that the irony of never missing a game due to injury until the most important game of his life was just icing on the cake. “This was a dreadful storybook ending. I really couldn’t ask for more.” McCoy added that he plans on fulfilling another of his wretched boyhood dreams by being a bust in the upcoming NFL draft and having a largely disappointing NFL career.