Climate Summit Leaders Salvage Trip With Joint Statement That Scotland Has Some Pretty Cool Castles

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND—Despite their limited efforts to address the threat posed by carbon emissions, leaders of the world’s largest economies still managed to salvage their trip to the 2021 U.N. Climate Change Conference, or COP26, with a joint statement indicating that Scotland has some pretty cool castles. “After careful deliberation among the global stakeholders, we’ve determined that our visit to Edinburgh Castle alone was bad ass and has made this summit completely worthwhile,” read the statement signed Monday by U.S. president Joe Biden, South Korean president Moon Jae-in, Argentinian president Albert Fernández, and other G20 leaders, before going on to add that the castle ruins in the Scottish Highlands were “totally sick.” “We spent many hours together planning our tour bus route, because there are a ton of awesome castles you can visit and only so much time. Overall, though, we feel very good about the itinerary we settled on. We even toured a bit of the coastline, which is absolutely gorgeous and something we highly recommend people visit while they still can.” Reached for additional comment, numerous signatories to the statement expressed deep regret that they were unable to kiss the Blarney Stone, which they realized too late was actually in Ireland.