KENNESAW, GA—During his American history class at Hebron Elementary School Wednesday, fifth-grader Jake Hensley was unable to produce a single hilarious disruptive comment regarding the Wilmot Proviso, an 1846 rider to a Congressional appropriations bill that attempted to outlaw slavery in the territory acquired from the Mexican–American War.
“I completely blanked,” said Hensley, who firmly established his class-clown status earlier in the year during a lesson on Revolutionary War–era statesman John Hancock. “It was getting so close to the end of class that I almost considered ’Smellmot Proviso,’ which is gay. I think I’m losing my touch.”
Despite his failure to combine “Proviso” with either the word “fart” or “boner,” Hensley did manage to redeem himself in his last-period English class by delivering a solid five minutes on the third chapter of Hatchet.
