Child Not Talented Enough Artist To Get Across Homicidal Ideations

TULSA, OK—After the drawing he made of a sinister killer wielding a knife came out looking more like a smiling kid holding a banana, it became apparent Friday that local 8-year-old Brandon McHurst simply wasn’t talented enough as an artist to convey his homicidal ideations. “I really like this one, Brandon—what gave you the idea to draw this lovely picture of a zoo?” Holly McHurst said to her son, who because of his technical incompetence, shoddy detail work, and basic lack of penmanship had failed completely in his attempt to create a convincing portrait of a dozen dead and dismembered animals rotting in an open grave. “Oh, and I love this [cartoon of a man gorging on the flesh of his decapitated murder victims], where a little boy is eating a yummy dessert! Did his mom buy him a treat from the bakery? Is that why he’s saying, ‘Pie! Pie! Pie!’?” At press time, the child only seethed with greater murderous rage after his beaming parents put his drawing up on the fridge.