STRENGTHS: Won the Heisman Trophy, which, come to think of it, has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on this game; unique ability to line-up anywhere on the field except, for some reason, the 36-yard line; disguises blitz by dropping back into coverage right after he sacks the quarterback
WEAKNESSES: Always trying to do Heisman Trophy pose in midair while jumping up to intercept ball; cannot be in two places at once, which is unfortunately crucial to the Packers’ zone-coverage schemes; catlike reflexes and instincts actually a huge detriment considering cats are terrified by running men and thrown footballs
INTANGIBLES: Woodson adds an element to this team that is nearly impossible to explain, so we won’t
PLAYING STYLE: Laid-back hip-hop with jazzy hard-bop influences
REAL MOTIVATION FOR WANTING TO VISIT WHITE HOUSE: President must be warned of something crucial to future of the nation, and Woodson cannot reach him through standard diplomatic channels
