CEO Has Big Ideas To Grow Company’s Problems

NEW YORK—Laying out several new initiatives and detailed plans for implementing them in the upcoming weeks and months, Janneson Media CEO Adam Hamlin revealed to his staffers Thursday that he has some really big ideas for growing the company’s problems, sources reported. “I was initially skeptical of any aggressive growth strategy given the current size of our company’s problems, but after hearing Adam outline his proposals, I’m now completely confident that we can double the size of our problems over the next quarter,” said Janneson employee Wendy Lyman, noting that the CEO’s plan included changes that would create more issues across every department and significantly increase the number of difficulties and setbacks by the end of the year. “He certainly doesn’t have a traditional approach, but you can’t expect the kind of rapid, eye-catching deterioration of a company’s image and market value without taking a few risks along the way. It’s impressive to see someone with the ambition to maintain old problems the company already had while still finding a way to produce new complications. He’s really thinking big.” Lyman added that she was astonished by the CEO’s vow to dramatically expand problems without sacrificing employees’ terrible work-life balance.