After a leaked Supreme Court decision indicated Roe vs. Wade would be overturned, many were shocked and appalled. The Onion asked celebrities how they are supporting legal access to abortion, and this is what they said.
Charlize Theron
“Every day I go to the Capitol Building and get one Frisbee stuck on its roof to signal to our lawmakers that I won’t stand for this assault on women.”
Jean Smart
“I’ve slept with three Supreme Court justices so far. Three more to go, then: Turn them on each other.”
Jimmy Fallon
“I will personally be administering vasectomies to any sexually active teens in the audience tonight.”
Vin Diesel
“We need abortion rights. Our cast for Fast And Furious is already too big.”
Martin Scorsese
“I am moving all of my upcoming projects to Texas so I can then very publicly move all of my upcoming projects out of Texas.”
Jared Leto
“I opened an abortion clinic in my pool house.”
Tom Hanks
“This is the first I’m hearing of it. What’s abortion?”
Selena Gomez
“Every time I see a pregnant woman, I yell at her belly.”
Elisabeth Moss
“Have you seen The Handmaid’s Tale? How much more does a lady have to do?”
Dwayne Johnson
“I give $5 to every woman I see on the street.”
Bradley Cooper
“Before they even have to ask, I pull out and finish on their dry-clean-only comforter instead.”
Robert Pattinson
“Not only are abortion rights important, but so are the NDAs to prevent anyone from hearing about one.”
Keanu Reeves
“For John Wick, I spent months training so I would know my way around tactical weapons. Silenced sniper rifles, stuff like that. Say the word right now, and I’ll put a bullet right between Brett Kavanaugh’s eyes. I’m not kidding. I’m in a tree outside his house right now.”
Bill Gates
“When you hung out with Jeffrey Epstein like I did, you support abortion with all your might.”
Jake Gyllenhaal
“I will drive anyone in the world to a clinic, no questions asked.”
Jack Harlow
“Women’s bodies should not be so fine. God, ladies, your bodies? Incredible. You’re all so beautiful.”
Jeff Bezos
“Amazon will proudly cover employees’ travel costs to secure a pregnancy test.”
Halsey
“This fight will now be fought at the local level. I’ll be donating to efforts that provide abortions to the women of Calabasas.”
Sonia Sotomayor
“I set up an automated monthly donation to my local Planned Parenthood branch!”
Barack Obama
“I tweet about voting. It’s really all anyone can do.”
