Cancer Researcher Develops Feelings For Lab Rat While Working Long Nights Alone Together

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Stressing that you can’t choose who you fall in love with, cancer researcher Abigail Patterson reportedly developed feelings for a lab rat Monday while working long nights alone together. “I never expected to fall for Mr. Squeaker, but something blossomed in that lab in the early hours of the morning, something special,” said Patterson, explaining that she originally tried to tamp down on the romantic feelings and keep the relationship professional, but the allure of the charismatic rodent was too strong to resist. “I’ll be honest, at first I thought the little furry guy was a bit difficult to work with, but soon I realized we were a perfect match. You can’t help but forge a bond when you spend so much time one-on-one injecting someone with mRNA vaccines. He’s caring, he’s handsome, and he’s generous—always willing to share his cheese.” At press time, Patterson was heartbroken after her beloved lab rat had succumbed to cancer.