Cadet Studying For Police Academy Exam Just Skimming Over Deescalation Training He’ll Never Use In Real Life

BLUE BELL, PA—In an effort to focus on practical skills, cadet Aaron Sanger studied for the police academy exam Monday by skimming over the sections in his training manual about deescalation techniques that he’ll never use in real life. “I guess I’m technically supposed to know this stuff, but there’s no way I’ll ever have to talk a suspect down in the field,” said Sanger, clarifying that using brute force would always be a “quicker and easier option” than going through a step-by-step deescalation process. “I’m focusing on the physical fitness portion of the test, so this mediation thing is falling to the wayside. If I ever do need to use it, I’ll just Google it while I’m pressing my knee on a guy’s neck. I’m not gonna waste my time studying laws, either. Most of them are really old and outdated—plus, it’s not like suspects know them.” At press time, Sanger was standing in front of a mirror and practicing how to tell a judge that he feared for his life before shooting a suspect.