Jessa Brent (Nurse)
“Oh, it’s because I’m a fucking loser.”
Neville Wrothley (Sales Rep)
“I wish to live and die under the yoke of tyrants.”
Antony Hanes (Paparazzo)
“They paid me a lot of money to kill Diana.”
Mark Davies (Project Manager)
“Democracy’s only going to be a short-lived craze anyway.”
Kara Farald (Dietician)
“I just like knowing that we control those pathetic island people of Montserrat and could crush those fuckers under our boots at any time.”
Gregory Tate (Chef)
“As someone who is severely inbred, I’m just going to go ahead and say that this counts as representation.”
Peter Spencer (Psychiatrist)
“The whole family’s kind of cute, in a fucked-up-looking-dog sort of way.”
Jacob Rees-Mogg (Secretary of State for Business, Energy, and Industrial Strategy)
“The monarchy is an important element of our nation’s dark, brutal past, and, Lord willing, an important element of our nation’s dark, brutal future.”
Frederick Downey (Carpenter)
“I’ve got a rich old lady fetish.”
Bethany Simons (Sales Assistant)
“I work on commission, so I say whatever I think the customer wants to hear.”
Anish Patel (DJ)
“Who knows? The heart is funny that way.”
Shelby Dunham (Medical Technician)
“Hey, if they cheat on their wives enough, eventually they’ll probably end up having sex with me.”
Natalie Cuphold (Street Sweeper)
“They’re the democratically elected representatives of the people—wait, they aren’t elected? Where the fuck do they come from then?”
Olivia Colman (Actress)
“Let’s just say that Mama’s third house didn’t come from doing Peep Show.”
Roger Pollock (Receptionist)
“The millions spent on keeping them locked up and secure in their castles is a small price to pay for not having to interact with them.”
Stanley Mugwort (Barrister)
“There’s a level of dignity and stability to be gained from supporting centuries of the stupidest fucking thing imaginable.”
Karl von Habsburg (Head of the House of Habsburg)
“[Unintelligible slurping.]”
Brian Martin (Delivery Driver)
“I think they’re technically troops, and I always support the troops.”
Big Ben (Clock)
“10:53 a.m., GMT.”
Lindsey Chambry (Accountant)
“What can I say? I’m a sub that loves to be dominated.”
Amelia Byrne (Housewife)
“With any luck, I’ll marry that baby George, and then I’ll be queen!”
Sasha Grout (Cook)
“Me like big nice crown! Yip-yip-yippeeeeee!!!!!!”
