Bridesmaid Ruins Entire Universal Studios Toon Lagoon Bachelorette Party By Hooking Up With Dudley Do-Right

ORLANDO, FL—Sobbing that it was supposed to be her special day at the newspaper comic–themed water park, 27-year-old bride Clarissa Manks told reporters Friday that her bridesmaid ruined the entire Universal Studios Toon Lagoon bachelorette party by hooking up with Dudley Do-Right. “We were supposed to go on the Popeye & Bluto’s Bilge-Rat Barges raft ride, but instead I’m stuck here eating my Dagwood sandwich alone while Amber’s off making out with a cartoon mountie,” said Manks, expressing frustration that her friend’s torrid affair with the costumed Canadian officer had completely upended the all-girls weekend she wanted to spend doing meet-and-greets with Betty Boop and Olive Oyl. “Does she seriously expect me to eat a three-scoop ice cream sundae at Cathy’s while she’s boinking a Rocky & Bullwinkle B-character? I knew I should have cut Amber off at the Backwater Bar when she kept asking Dudley Do-Right if she could ride Horse; I can’t believe she did this to me.” At press time, Manks was reportedly furious after her bridesmaid tried to smooth things over by arranging a double date on the Ripsaw Falls with Zippy the Pinhead.