Breakthrough Renewable Energy Technology Enables Humans To Burn Wind For Fuel

TEMPE, AZ—Signaling a major shift in the fight against climate change, scientists at Arizona State University announced a breakthrough in renewable energy Monday that enables humans to burn wind for fuel. “Our game-changing wind ignition engine allows us to turn one of earth’s most bountiful resources into an energy source that simply burns off as carbon dioxide,” said Professor Cynthia DeVine, explaining how the technology turns the nation’s abundant gusts and breezes into fossil fuels that can be used in cars, buses, and trains, then safely stored in the atmosphere as CO2.“Our team is already looking into ways to set gales and even zephyrs aflame, thereby creating a near-endless source of fuel. We’re also crafting a proposal to set up air pipelines in some of the draftiest spots in the country. Clearly, the future for wind is very bright.” At press time, the research team had apologized after several workers were blown away in a massive wind leak.