Bored Vaccination Worker Spends Afternoon With No Patients Stabbing Syringe Between Fingers

HUNTSVILLE, AL—In an effort to make it through a long day with nothing to do, bored vaccination worker Ray Gately told reporters Thursday he had spent an afternoon with no patients stabbing a syringe back and forth between his splayed-out fingers. “With no vaccine appointments all day, I’ve actually gotten pretty good at putting my outstretched hand on this table and seeing how fast I can slam down a hypodermic needle without piercing my flesh,” said the local 33-year-old, listening to a podcast as he tried, once again, to break his personal record for “the ol’ five-finger fillet” with a syringe full of Moderna’s Covid-19 vaccine. “Almost no one comes in here, so we’re constantly looking for new ways to kill time. When we got tired of using the surplus doses to give each other booster shots, we started playing darts with the syringes. But after a couple months, you get to where you can hit the bull’s-eye every time, and it gets pretty dull. You know what? I’m gonna try this left-handed.” At press time, a yawning Gately was seen putting the finishing touches on a detailed scale model of the Taj Mahal constructed entirely of unopened, expired vials of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine.