Bob Dole To Build 'Trench To 19th Century'

RUSSELL, KS—In a bold refusal to face the challenges of life in the next millennium, former Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole announced plans Monday to build “A Trench To The 19th Century.” The trench, which will begin in the 73-year-old former Senator’s backyard, will be dug with a common dirt shovel. “There are many new technologies, many exciting opportunities that await us in the next century,” Dole told reporters at a backyard press conference. “And I will be digging a trench away from that progress, back into the 19th century.” Dole added that he will not be leading the American people down this trench. “I will go alone,” he said.