Biologists Confirm Penguins Totally Holding It Down On The South Pole

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Conclusively establishing that the aquatic, flightless birds know what’s up, a team of biologists at Harvard University confirmed Tuesday that penguins were totally holding it down on the South Pole. “After thorough analysis of both biological and environmental factors, we have determined that penguins have Antartica on lock and are just doing their thing,” said lead researcher Randy Slyzer, explaining that penguins across all species, from emperors to rockhoppers, have displayed a strong ability to kick back given their innate predisposition for not giving a fuck. “In the opinion of this research team, it would not be hyperbolic to say that penguins are absolutely crushing it. We found an extraordinary amount of evidence that these penguins are chilling the fuck out and vibing hard with their surroundings. In addition, the penguins appear to be aware that they got this shit.”At press time, Slyzer warned that should climate change continue, penguins could absolutely lose their shit and migrate north to bring a motherfucking ruckus.