Despite achieving fame as one of the biggest pop stars in the world, Harry Styles has faced backlash and criticism for a number of controversies. The Onion investigates all the times Harry Styles fucked up.
Not Inviting Jason Sudeikis To Watch Him Have Sex With The Mother Of His Small Children For The First Time In An Intimate Handing-Off Ceremony
We know he’s a Brit, but there are some American traditions too important to flout.
Looks Just Like Cousin’s Friend
We have this cousin, and his friend Leon looks just like Harry Styles, we swear to god!
When He Stole The Other Members Of One Direction’s Voices
Many accused Styles of breaking up One Direction after he stole all their voices and hid them in an unbreakable vase.
Ass Looks Flat In Romper
Someone had to say it.
Lied About Being Able To Juggle
Harry Styles once said he could juggle, but he’s never shown anybody, so it’s pretty obvious that he’s not telling the truth.
Zayn
Zayn!
Dated A Brachiosaurid Sauropod Skeleton
After switching careers from music to archaeology and spending weeks at a Portuguese dig site, Styles made waves when he hooked up with an 82-foot-long prehistoric skeleton.
Super Bowl XXXVIII
In an infamous “wardrobe malfunction” during the CBS halftime show on Feb. 4, 2004, Janet Jackson’s breast was briefly exposed by Justin Timberlake to the viewing public, which a then 10-year-old Styles did absolutely nothing to prevent.
Wore A Hat That Sucked
He may never live down the moment in April 2022 when he was photographed wearing an ugly hat that utterly sucked.
Iran-Contra Affair
Styles’ name appears at multiple critical points in the massive Reagan-era scandal, from his presence at the illegal sale of 18 Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Iran in 1985, to his prominent role in the U.S.-backed Enterprise group that was funneling arms to right-wing Nicaraguan rebels.
When He Shot, Ran Over, And Urinated On The Corpse Of Chris Pine
While the singer’s reps as well as Olivia Wilde have refuted the accusations, many internet sleuths still believe they saw Styles murder Pine in cold blood.
Wearing Women’s Clothing On A Magazine Cover
For the Nov. 2020 issue, Styles appeared in a Gucci women’s jacket and dress on the cover of Bon Appétit, completely ruining the concept of the shoot, which relied on him dressing as a turkey lounging amid a Thanksgiving tablescape.
Wakes Up Every Morning And Says Every Racial Slur
His Instagram post in June that detailed his morning ritual of sitting up in bed and immediately saying every existing racial slur in alphabetical order has divided fans ever since.
Ruining Our Daughter’s Birthday By Charging Too Much For Concert Tickets
We took her to see Broken Social Scene instead, and she was not happy.
Posed On The Cover Of ‘Vogue’ Dressed As Mrs. Doubtfire
Styles has been accused multiple times of baiting fans of the 1993 Robin Williams movie by dressing as a kind, elderly British housekeeper.
Included The Unholy Tritone In His Music
Despite being known as the diabolus in musica and forbidden by the Catholic Church for years, Styles spat in the face of God by using these demonic musical intervals in several of his songs. May his immortal soul be banished to the eternal flames of hell.
Accusation Of Plagiarizing His Face
The singer has been called out for having suspiciously similar facial features to the lead singer of Argentine band Miranda.
One Direction Sucking
Styles was the target of widespread criticism among detractors of his pop-boy band One Direction, facing allegations that their music was considered by many to be complete garbage.
Doesn’t Love Me
3 🙁
Refusal To Label James Corden’s Sexual Orientation
Styles has frustrated the LGBT community with his refusal to give a direct answer.
Smile Too Electrifying
Styles was accused of gross negligence and involuntary manslaughter after two of his fans’ hearts stopped after he gave them a passing smile.
Perpetrated The Bataan Death March
In April of 1942, Harry Styles, at the request of the Japanese Imperial Army, forcibly transferred between 60,000 and 80,000 American and Filipino prisoners of war from from Saysain Point, Bataan to Camp O’Donnell, Tarlac in the Philippines, wantonly killing many along the way.
Thinks He’s Too Good To Eat Out Of The Trash Can
Despite having the best trash in the entire city, Your Majesty Harry Styles apparently thinks too highly of himself to eat food scraps from a dumpster.
Restraining Order Against Onion Inc.
We just wanted to tell him how much we loved him.
