JACKSONVILLE, FL—Brad Framik, a contract attorney at Russell Law Offices and self-described “player,” announced Saturday that he was “starting to hit my stride” after unsuccessfully coming on to five women at the Red Rock nightclub.
“My game wasn’t focused during those first few rounds, but now I’m on a roll,” Framik said. “If that tall chick’s friends hadn’t dragged her out, I would’ve had her for sure. See, it takes a while to work up to peak performance level.”
Although he doesn’t go out much during the week, Framik said he likes to “hit the clubs” every Friday and Saturday, usually with a group of five or more male friends also hoping to meet women.
“Then, on Sundays, we go golfing and compare our pussy-hunt scores,” Framik said. “It’s important to have fun and blow off steam on the weekend when you have such a demanding, high-paying job. It’s a stress reliever, like yoga.”
Framik’s coworker Nick Gregivich usually joins the group.
“We may wear suits all day, but we know how to cut loose after hours,” said Gregivich, 28.”You should see Framik bust a move on the dance floor. It’s like, ’Yow!’”
When asked about his dance technique, Framik elaborated.
“My signature move is to locate some chick I wouldn’t mind breaking it off in,” Framik said. “Then I sidle over to her section of the dance floor and circle like a shark, waiting for the right moment to strike. When she least expects it, I lock eyes with her and mouth the words ’I want you.’”
Shrugging, Framik added, “Hey, dude, chicks like silly stuff like that—sometimes it works.”
When asked why he wasn’t making a favorable impression at the beginning of the evening, Framik said he had “started out slow.”
“I didn’t do so well with the first five babes I approached, but a guy’s gotta warm up,” Framik said. “The love muscle is like any other muscle—you’ve got to stretch and loosen up first before you do the heavy lifting. That’s why it makes sense to hit on three or four stuck-up chicks first, so you can play a couple practice rounds before the stakes are too high. You can’t expect to hit that shit out of the park your first time at bat.”
When pressed, Framik admitted to making some mistakes during the evening.
“Okay, I may have jumped the gun a little with that first chick,” Framik said. “I never should’ve asked her to show me her thong so soon in the conversation. That’s the weird thing about chicks. They always want to draw everything out longer than is necessary. I’m a take-charge, fast-paced guy, so it’s hard for me to fake being patient.”
Framik said the nature of the initial rejection made it more difficult for him to “find the pocket” in subsequent attempts at seduction.
“After she made that comment about me using sunless tanner, I got a little off-balance,” Framik said. “She set me on edge, so I wasn’t bringing my ’A’ game for the next couple girls.”
As Framik’s unrequited attention-seeking continued, his friends watched his progress from across the bar. According to Framik, this added pressure may have caused him to blow his timing.
“I shouldn’t have talked to that third chick while my friends were all watching me,” Framik said. “Some girls find that sort of thing tacky. But by the fourth at-bat, I thought I’d ironed out the wrinkles.”
Framik described his next failed come-on attempt.
“I was making major eye contact with this brunette in the booth next to ours, but she turned out to be this Iranian chick who didn’t speak much English,” Framik said. “She was dressed kind of slutty, so that fooled me. She was probably some kind of uptight religious Muslim who’s not into getting boned. Usually, I can spot a religious nut from a mile off, but I had the beer goggles on.”
After the fifth failed attempt, however, Framik finally felt himself “getting into the zone.”
“Let’s just say that I definitely got some digits by the end of the night,” said Framik, who estimates that he made between 10 and 15 come-on attempts over the course of the two hours that followed. “I ended up with a pretty respectable success ratio.”
While Framik described himself as a “master of the elusive female mind,” a female coworker disagreed.
“Brad and his friends are always talking about how chicks dig this and chicks dig that,” said Paula Mannheim, a fellow lawyer. “Listening to them talk, you’d think they’ve never had a conversation with an actual woman in their entire lives.”
Asked for his reaction to Mannheim’s comments, Framik became curious.
“Paula was talking about me?” Framik said. “The one with the nice body? Tell me everything she said, so I can read between the lines.”
