Barack Obama Opens New Electronics Store

CHICAGO—Saying he was ready to start a new chapter in his post-presidency, Barack Obama spoke with reporters Friday about his latest project, opening an electronics store on the South Side of Chicago. “Back during the pandemic, when we were all stuck at home, I taught myself how to do simple laptop repairs, fix a broken iPhone screen, stuff like that—and this shop marks the culmination of a dream three years in the making,” said the former commander-in-chief, who described how one thing led to another, and before long, he was making plans to start his own small business, ultimately settling on a modest storefront that he boasted was “only about a 10-minute walk” from the future site of the Obama Presidential Center in Jackson Park. “A lot of times when a phone’s battery goes bad, people just buy a new phone, but there’s no need to spend that kind of money. I can fix it in the back in, like, 30 minutes. We also have every type of cord and adapter you could possibly need, and if you want to make some quick cash, you can sell us your old game systems or Blu-rays. You can even trade them in for one of the refurbished Lockheed Martin or Northrop Grumman drones you see up on the wall over there.” Asked if his commute was difficult, Obama acknowledged it was “kind of a schlepp” from both his $8.1 million home in Washington and his $11.75 million waterfront house on Martha’s Vineyard.