Bankrupt Toys ‘R’ Us Forced To Euthanize Thousands Of Hatchimals

WAYNE, NJ—In the wake of the struggling toy retailer’s recent bankruptcy filing, Toys ‘R’ Us announced Tuesday that the company would likely have no choice but to euthanize thousands of Hatchimals. “Unfortunately, we are no longer financially able to provide the resources and care that these Hatchimals require,” said Toys ‘R’ Us spokesman Sam Muir, adding that humanely disposing of the numerous eggs in Toys ‘R’ Us locations across the country was, sadly, an important step in addressing the company’s $5 billion debt. “Our associates will soon begin the completely painless termination process on the unborn Hatchimals, while any display Hatchimals that have already emerged from their shells will be gently put into sleep mode and never reactivated. The remains will be cremated and appropriately interred.” Muir went on to say, however, that the Hatchimals might be spared if first laying off thousands of employees proved effective enough.