No matter what your level of education, the first day of school arrives with anxiety about the things you forgot to bring. Here’s a comprehensive checklist of items you’ll need for the academic year.
Grade School:
Oversized novelty pencil from theme park other kids too poor to visit
Cheaper version of the must-have shoe that turns out to be worse decision than having no shoes at all
Protractor and ruler, because you’d be a sap to go trusting the measurements in the textbook
Knee-length britches, open-necked blouse, and a pocket watch
Middle School:
Breasts
A note from a doctor in case they’re serious about the “showering after gym” business
Axe body spray, because you want to get some over-the-bra groping action, don’t you?
High School:
An outfit that clearly identifies you as a brain, athlete, basket case, princess, or criminal
A pack of Camel Filters, a well-worn copy of No Exit, and lunch money
Graphing calculator to provide something to look quickly down at when Kori Prescott catches you staring
College:
Dog-eared copy of The Bell Jar solidifying you as a mysterious intellectual to steer clear of at all costs.
Self-selected nickname passed off as nickname from old school
A bedspread bought from Target that is too colorful and clashes with most everything else
$34,000 of your parents’ money
