Asshole Monk Hogging Meditation Spot Under Waterfall For Whole Hour Now

WAKAYAMA, JAPAN—Expressing disbelief that their colleague had failed to notice the long line of practitioners stretching back to the temple, sources at Seiganto-Ji monastery confirmed Wednesday that an asshole monk has been hogging the best meditation spot under a nearby waterfall for a whole hour now. “Come on, buddy, we all know you don’t need more than 30 minutes to see the emptiness of the ego, especially under the most tranquil waterfall in the whole goddamn prefecture,” said Junior Priest Ryōgen Ichishima, adding that he had tried to cough politely, but the meditating jackass had just pretended he was too “blissed out” sitting in his full lotus position before the cascading water and mountainside scenery to even notice. “Well, don’t worry, pal. Time is a fucking illusion, so take as much of it drinking in the gorgeous scenery as you want. Hey, I’ll just drop off body and mind over here in the dusty corner of the meditation hall. Enjoy transcendence, you prick.” At press time, the infuriated Ichishima had announced his intention to give it another 15 minutes and then really show the careless fuck that life is suffering.