Dear Jostens Class-Ring Salesman,
About three years ago, my husband and I bought an above-ground pool for the kids. They love it, and I have to admit it’s a blessing on all those summer days when the temperature goes above 80. Trouble is, my husband is absolutely obsessed with it. If he’s not swimming in it, he’s cleaning it or tinkering with the filter. As glad as I am that he has a hobby, I wish he had a little more time for me. I miss my husband! I can’t spend all my time out by the pool with him, or I’ll look like a lobster by the end of summer! I don’t know what to do.
—Lonely In Lakeland
Dear Lonely,
How many of you guys out there have cars? Hands up if you do. Okay, a couple. Quite a few of you. Now, how about you gals over there by the window? Do you like to shop for clothes? I thought you’d say “yes.” Okay, anyone have a computer, or a radio, or a television set? Uh huh. Now, out of all of those things I mentioned, how long do you think you’re going to own those items? You, sir, how long do you think you’ll own that radio? Fifty years? No? Twenty years, then? No? Well, your class ring is something that you will hold and cherish for the rest of your life. You’re all facing a very important decision here. This may be the first time you’ve made a decision about something you will carry with you through your entire adult life. As a member of the Bridgemont High Class Of 2004, you are at a crossroads. What would be a better reminder of all the friends, laughs, tears, and triumphs you’ve had at Bridgemont than a personalized Jostens class ring? Whether you wear it on your finger or on a chain around your neck, this ring will show the world the pride you feel for your alma mater. Your graduation ceremony won’t be complete without one, kids.
Dear Jostens Class-Ring Salesman,
I have been married to a wonderful man for five years. The only snag is that my mother-in-law lives just a mile away and pops by uninvited any time she feels like it. She’s a nice woman, but she doesn’t respect boundaries. No matter what we’re doing when she shows up, we have to drop it and entertain her. I don’t know how to tactfully ask her to call before she shows up. My husband admits that her unannounced visits bother him, but he’s reluctant to mention it. I think she’d rather hear the news from her own son. Don’t you agree?
—Trampled On In Tempe
Dear Trampled,
Jostens has a whole range of metals to choose from—including platinum, white or yellow gold, and, for those of you who are minding your budgets, white or yellow Lustrium. Yes? Question? Okay, well, Lustrium is the least costly. But it’s a good idea to look at all your options before you choose. See, Lustrium is what is called a non-precious metal alloy. While it is fairly durable, it does not have the same characteristics as gold or platinum and, in the long run, many customers feel their graduation is more… Yes? Okay, well, Lustrium is about half the price of 18-karat gold. But, like all fine jewelry, your class ring is an investment. I can answer all these questions later. What’s that? Well, the final cost really depends on a number of factors—type of metal, engraving, size, style—so it’s best to start looking through the brochure and determining which rings suit you before you look at the price list. That’s the best way to narrow down your choices and design a personalized ring you’re sure to love for the rest of your life.
Dear Jostens Class-Ring Salesman,
I am 25 and currently involved in a long-distance relationship with a sweet man I met last summer. Although I care about him deeply, he has become quite overbearing. He sends me roses almost every week and calls me at work just to tell me how much he loves me. I think he worries that I might be dating other guys since we’re so far apart. I’m not, but to be honest, his neediness is becoming a huge turn-off. How can I tell him to tone it down?
—Smothered In Seneca
Dear Smothered,
Any football players out there? How’d we do this season? Pretty impressive, guys. How about band? Anyone play the trombone? Well, then, I’d like you to take a look at this ring. Pass that back to that gentleman with the glasses. See, Jostens has many styles and colors to choose from, so that your class ring will reflect your unique personality. Create a one-of-a-kind ring that shows off your special qualities. Jostens has engravings for every activity, from athletics to newspaper to 4H. And just look at all the stone options. Nice, huh? Go ahead, try it on. Every color of the rainbow. You can get your birthstone, your favorite gem, or go with your favorite color. See this writing on the side here? You can express yourself further with one of the multiple bezel options. With so many choices, it would be impossible to make a ring that isn’t right for you. This one says, ah, “Deus Veritas Familia,” and that means—hold on a sec. Okay, that means “God, Truth, and Family.” Then we got “Veritas Familia Sapientia” which means, let’s see here, “Truth, Family, and Wisdom.” We even have a home-schooled option, so if any of you have home-schooled friends, let them know they don’t have to be left out. Okay then, let’s start passing those rings forward. Here’s an order form for each one of you. No, don’t worry if you’re not sure. Take a form, just in case. Might as well. Here’s one for you. Take the brochure home and talk about it with Mom and Pop. I’ll be back on Thursday. I can’t wait to see what you all pick out.
Terry Feldon is a syndicated columnist whose weekly advice column, Ask A Jostens Class-Ring Salesman, appears in more than 250 newspapers nationwide.
