Area Woman's Safety Net Braces For Another Impact

ALBANY, NY—Despite already being stretched to its breaking point, the strained threads of Patricia Hapsburg’s social safety net have once again begun readying themselves to absorb the emotional impact of the 29-year-old finding out her ex-boyfriend is now engaged. “We have white zin chilling in the fridge, her comfiest sweats laid out, and Under The Tuscan Sun cued up in the DVD player,” said one friend, Leanne Shuyin, whose strength has been repeatedly tested by Hapsburg’s numerous professional stumbles and tendency to fall for men who move into her building. “I can’t say how long we’ll be able to support her, though. Janet has been looking pretty frayed since she agreed to accompany Patricia on that spiritual retreat.” For her own mental stability, Hapsburg will spend the next four weeks joined at the hip to Mike Gantz, her unusually resilient and supportive gay lifeline.