While it may not be obvious at first, the mindless service drones who bring you food at restaurants actually have thoughts and feelings. Here are the most annoying things customers do that waiters hate the most.
Asking Which Customer They Recommend
Their taste may not match yours, so instead of putting them on the spot, make up your own mind about who in the dining room seems cool and might make a good friend.
Tipping
Typically, waiters deeply resent the implication that their supervisors aren’t compensating them generously.
Bringing Your Own Busboy
Waiters and busboys often have a rapport that allows them to work a dining area efficiently, a relationship that gets thrown off when customers bring someone from home to clear off tables.
Asking Them To Skip The Specials
Remember, your server is pursuing a career in acting, so just let them have this.
Using Your Dirty Plates For Skeet Shooting
Hurling your plates into the sky and exploding them with a rifle creates more of a cleanup for the waitstaff than you may expect.
Leaving Entire Portions of Place Mat Uncolored
Your waiter went through all the effort of bringing crayons to the table, so the least you could do is attempt the word puzzles or put a pair of shades on the cartoon sun.
Asking If They’d Like To Join The Mile High Club
If you insist on sexually harassing the waitstaff, at least make it context-appropriate.
Five Hours Of Uninterrupted Slurping
Whether it’s a bowl of soup or strand of spaghetti, your waiter doesn’t want to hear you slurp away for five hours straight.
Asking If God Exists, Why Does He Allow Children To Be Hurt?
Waiters simply do not have time to ponder such philosophical questions, especially during peak hours when maybe you can get away with a yes-or-no query like, “Is free will an illusion?”
Holding Entire Restaurant Hostage At Gunpoint
Everyone has seen Pulp Fiction, nobody will think you’re being edgy or cool for doing this.
Legally Adopting Them
Just because every server needs a strong parental figure in their life doesn’t mean it should be you.
Making Them Test For Poison
If you suspect the chef has a vendetta against you and has sprinkled cyanide into your food, the least you could do is bring someone along to take that bullet for you.
Snapping Your Fingers At Them When You’re Choking
Don’t hail your waiter like they’re some kind of servant. Be patient as you wait for them to come over and dislodge a cherry tomato from your windpipe.
Failing To Fully Materialize Before Entering The Restaurant
Waiters are busy people with any number of tasks while on shift, so the last thing they want to do is to mop up your ectoplasmic goo at the hostess stand before seating you.
Eating Most Of Your Fork Before Requesting A New One
You weren’t satisfied with your utensil, but instead of sending it back right away, you somehow managed to bite off about five inches of it.
Not Leaving an Unexpected $10,000 Tip So They Can Finally Quit This Shitty Gig
It’s the least you could do.
Telling Them You Used to Work in a Restaurant
They know, they can see the cattle brand on your cheek.
Forgetting To Loosen Your Belt, Slap Your Distended Belly, And Bellow “Big Bruce Gonna Sleep Well Tonight!”
This gesture may not mean much to you, but every diner that fails to do it will count against a server on their next employee evaluation.
Taking A Dip In The Chocolate Fountain
While stripping nude and hopping in may seem totally harmless, you’re not the one who has to clean up all the chocolate footprints.
Eat
It’s pretty disgusting watching you eat, and the waiters definitely agree. Maybe just do that at home.
