Anne Hathaway, James Franco Spend Every Moment Of Oscars Tearing Into Jesse Eisenberg

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Academy Awards hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway spent the entire three-hour broadcast Sunday absolutely ripping apart Social Network star Jesse Eisenberg with a barrage of clever one-liners, cutting jabs, and outright name-calling. “In the Best Actor category tonight, we have a king, a grizzled U.S. Marshal, and a big nerd who never gets laid being played by another big nerd who never gets laid,” said Hathaway, introducing the award’’s presenter and adding that Eisenberg looked like he was “about ready to crap his pants.” “Hey Jesse, your mom told us we need to wrap things up so we can get you home before bedtime, you little dork.” Representatives from the American Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences have reportedly invited Franco and Hathaway back for next year’s ceremony, saying they loved the bit where Franco inserted himself into scenes from all the Best Picture nominees and talked about how small Eisenberg’s penis must be.