![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/f7d2e13555d0341110d5f15e8a234b26.jpg)
Irina Mooney (Seamstress)
“I think we’re rushing in before we even really know what electricity is.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/788fb8244267b96e83493decafe1b2fd.jpg)
Ellie Slater (Interior Designer)
“My gas car can go forward and reverse. Can electric cars do that?”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3d0c2f06f5842c888daf20266ddfbb5c.jpg)
Hank Garcia (Lawyer)
“It’d be disrespectful to the troops not to use the gas they died for.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/60d8703d2c47eda6a7d05dc24795c3cd.jpg)
Mateo Alves (Personal Trainer)
“Gas has more protein.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/dbf0b5c33e5f029dc26fa4f107873876.jpg)
Chantelle Miller (Anesthesiologist)
“The power strip I use for charging devices is already too crowded.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/21e3f0ab793d9798fa2b04f1c883aa12.jpg)
Emmett Hatfield (Hot Dog Vendor)
“It’s in the Constitution.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3f71edd8655a561e51eff95f26f2bfe4.jpg)
Greg Abbot (Governor, Texas)
“I’m not entirely sure Texas’ electricity will be around much longer.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/d15be1fa44ceacbf27c0b95e9831f504.jpg)
Mike Torre (Gaffer)
“Torque. There’s either not enough or way too much. I forget.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/faabda6b3adf6982f217625f0ce8e0dd.jpg)
Sean Stevens (Military Contractor)
“We need a purpose to invade these Middle Eastern countries.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/659b713bf695394de082982333ff727c.jpg)
Jillian Grunenburg (Librarian)
“I’m waiting to skip electric and go straight to nuclear.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/881ec78b155b30d985fa677a8bdaac4b.jpg)
Gary Tovar (Realtor)
“I’m not really sure why, but I regard it as an existential threat to my entire way of life.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/d22190bb518a276e7185a3a20f888ad6.jpg)
Michael Wirth (CEO, Chevron)
“What’s not to love about gas? Everybody loves gas! I’m actually married to gas and have six beautiful gas children! Buy more gas!”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/6ea9cc99900ba6743c93bdab34f47b79.jpg)
James Vera (Small-Business Owner)
“I’m not sure electric cars will blow up as cool in movies.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/930c59847a3a50702ac29ea4b1e75006.jpg)
Gus Tanner (HR manager)
“Talking about gas prices with people makes me feel like I’m a part of something.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/b0a168d57302132c02fba8e6848f4af6.jpg)
Nuncio Quintero (Pediatric Nurse)
“I can’t kill myself by running an electric car in my garage.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/7ed340e8999ad87998ada6ee7c2d4c76.jpg)
Harris Silva (Cobbler)
“Elec-tri-ci-ty? Sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/a6ee63b622a89d6f78e01ec4a06a3a58.jpg)
Susan Park (Accountant)
“My job is 40 miles away and I don’t own an extension cord that long.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/fa472131f30992309f380da4006c02ca.jpg)
Darren Addams (Carpenter)
“The toxic waste from the batteries is nice, but electric cars have a long way to go before they’ll match the destructive power of gas vehicles.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/c381fbdc67024ee34a45dbbf7ff9cb41.jpg)
Nathan Thrall (Welder)
“They aren’t reliable, like OPEC and the Saudi royal family.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/e5e915f9bed72423eb95105f8e7229ef.jpg)
Darren Hammond (Store Clerk)
“You can’t huff electricity.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/9126cc7c76171b31eafd69cb184d0724.jpg)
Luke Caden (Teacher)
“Here in New Jersey, they won’t let you plug in your own car.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/6daafe677e68ba9db55392f333fb6034.jpg)
Lawrence Garrison (Silversmith)
“Gas cars just fuck better.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3beb2f1e76f279e756b26d06abc62dc6.jpg)
Mitch Gilly (Foreman)
“If I have to use my car to go about my awful life every day, I can at least take the rest of the planet down with me.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/b09c3977a7542ac0022c540196982202.jpg)
Jim Patron (Geologist)
“I have an alliance with the Saudis.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/776ca70b625209a4c549e9b4b2da295b.jpg)
Henry Dalton (Cook)
“I have been complaining about high gas prices for the past 35 years and wouldn’t really know what to do with myself if I stopped.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/b7adbc25cae21520c51d4693acb2a013.jpg)
Hassan Khan (Accountant)
“I’m worried we’ll deplete the Earth’s finite supply of electricity.”