![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/5bd1efca0f955d88b5c963b393f64734.png)
Mike Partida (Engraver)
“If I get mugged, I need to call someone who can show up afterward and tell me it was a damn shame.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/b27c70dcae5e5ec96c673a26ba8c88ae.png)
Greta Wright (Illustrator)
“Even if we got rid of the police, we’d still have to replace them with some other unaccountable domestic paramilitary outfit.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/cd41b6f5bc674a15681bec76a748166c.png)
Jeremy Wilson (Dentist)
“Instead of abolishing, let’s focus on sending police unlimited funds for training that will absolutely never take place.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/339f919f8a4bfb438d60eedba3bf1bc0.png)
E.J. Gibson (Bartender)
“I’m white.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/ea35155e80eb8722371dd007b5615fda.png)
Frank Caruso (Watch Maker)
It’s a slippery slope to everyone surviving routine traffic stops.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/6c3a107af528a17e5c1bc475ba29f0b1.png)
Natalie Reese (Retired)
“Who else was going to hire my idiot son?”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/8127efacfb498eb7c26ba99473029725.png)
Sophia Riley (Nurse)
“What are we supposed to give all of their budget to? Education? Mental health services? Community outreach? Healthcare? Childcare? Housing? Rent relief? Food assistance? Infrastructure?”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/c25904f87a1e9060b18d57af4f6e8bc8.png)
Nancy Diaz (Administrative Assistant)
“Police officers are the only ones brave enough to put their lives on the line to protect us every day they feel like it.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/16b7fa042a08f0727e418a798b853e8d.png)
Rebecca Chang (Teacher)
“If cops weren’t regularly sending kids to jail for low-level marijuana charges, I’d have to deal with like 20 more students.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/c801d59ceae485d3e8011ee7d6505d75.png)
Phoebe Sorensen (Physical Therapist Aide)
“My husband’s a cop, and I prefer that he take all his rage out on other people.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/e6d7f7b05919ff4432a3be7e6d6beddd.png)
Lawrence Moreno (Hospital CEO)
“They pass along so many clients our way, it just wouldn’t make good business sense to oppose them.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/af2ae84be72fb9ff1bcafb2595acb41c.jpg)
Meryl Block (Paralegal)
“And, what, send even more money to social services?”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/cc7da3adc187d7b1cb29fc3ffc0030cd.jpg)
Jerome Tate (Office Manager)
“If a bad guy harms me, I want someone to apprehend either them or someone else who vaguely looks like them.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/d6b6f51412f06e1d7a5470c71054f90e.jpg)
Trumaine Giles (Tech Investor)
“Videos of police brutality get a lot of engagement online.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/74f14ee4d39bee4c95b65ea1b9408f18.jpg)
Nate Bradbury (Bank Manager)
“Because it’ll make the five hours I’ve already been waiting for them to show up a complete waste of time.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/f6bf4063a270ea4eb7fd9514f7ea6373.jpg)
James Chastain (Realtor)
“It’s a slippery slope. Once we abolish the police, we’ll start abolishing things like police shootings, police gangs, and police corruption.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/8dd4d722ea8378f819002932f94a303d.jpg)
Frank Dennis (Plumber)
“I like how the sirens go ‘woo, woo, woo.’”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/2070fae8d1875c9be60eecd0e31f25fb.jpg)
Dan Pierson (Payroll Clerk)
“Suicide by social worker is gonna be a lot harder than suicide by cop.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/4eea311e945a2ddc42a5cc3b1fbfeb71.jpg)
Heather Veloso (Uber Driver)
“If we abolish the police, only criminals will have police.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/6d60d89086e4fde4ce436aa760d25850.jpg)
Jennie Cylin (Forklift Operator)
“Then who will villains easily beat up before fighting the movie’s superhero?”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/0434304265bf6ca3901a51869cad348b.jpg)
Ronald Martin (Animal Torturer)
“I hope to become one someday.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/d5aca41ef441622313a2d7265df5d15b.jpg)
Kathleen Hurt (Retired)
“And what? Delete my entire ‘Back The Blue’ Pinterest board just like that?”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/7100e3506fa7f86b7837444eb62880be.jpg)
Cody Sanko (Unemployed)
“I don’t think anything should be abolished. Policing, slavery, you name it.”