American Public Commended For Lasting 8 Rounds With Logan Paul

MIAMI—With leading commentators agreeing their grit and tenacity were on full display during the match-up, the American people were widely praised for lasting eight rounds against Logan Paul in an exhibition match Sunday night. “Look, regardless of the outcome, you have to hand it to the nation for going the distance with this guy,” said veteran boxing announcer Jim Lampley, who observed that despite the internet personality’s moronic antics, repeated controversies, and overall insufferable nature, the public nonetheless withstood “that smug fucking face” for the full length of the match. “Even though Americans did not emerge victorious from this contest, their ability to tolerate such a completely empty, meaningless spectacle is no small feat. Many in the boxing world assumed the U.S. populace would be immediately knocked out by sheer boredom, but this country defied the odds and pushed its way through an entire 24 minutes of that guy’s bullshit.” Many commentators noted that while their endurance last night was impressive, Americans should be cautious, as repeatedly taking part in events like these has been shown to cause permanent brain damage.